Militant Geek Custom Shirts

From Wired’s Epicenter blog comes word that the MPAA is positively beside itself with glee. Through efforts like hiring additional staff the Hollywood gestapo was able to arrest a stunning nine would be pirates in the United States. From the post:

John Fithian, CEO of National Association of Theatre Owners, stated: “Future thieves beware: we will find you; we will stop you; and we will have you arrested.”

Sony contracted additional security personnel for more than 160 pre-release screenings and eight premieres. The studio consider it money well spent, crediting the film’s record box office in part to the heightened vigilance.

After all, if those handful of individuals were allowed to spread their evil, deceitful camcorder copies to the Internets more people would have realized what an awful movie S3 was and stayed home.

And what of the argument that piracy is taking money out of the pockets of Hollywood’s bit players? If hiring of additional security was such a smashing success it would seem that piracy is creating new jobs. Contradiction? Perhaps.

Related: Illegal Music Is Not Legal

Yahoo Yawwn! Parody T-Shirts in the Militant Geek Tee Shop - Starting at $15.99

Two recent stories concerning Yahoo have crossed the retired circus monkey desk this week. This first is that Yahoo has apparently keyed on the motivation that will help it unify its efforts against the Google behemoth. Is it a refined focus? A killer acquisition? No - as reported by CNet, it’s the color purple.

Yahoo offers contests for the most dedicated evangelist among its 13,000 global employees, she said during the keynote speech at the Liquid Agency Brand Summit 2007 at the Four Seasons Hotel in Palo Alto, Calif., Tuesday morning. Employees who do things like ask people who don’t work for Yahoo “Do you Yahoo?”, memorize the company’s mission statement and wear Yahoo gear to the office for a day can win trips paid for by the company, she says. Even visitors to Yahoo offices see purple everywhere, from the oversize, purple velvet seats in the lobbies to the purple sprinkler heads in the lawns as the company tries to embed its purple, fun image into people’s consciousness.

While Yahoo’s marketing tries to associate its purple with ‘fun’ most people are more likely to associate it with the bruising its getting from all sides. And not just from major companies. As TechDirt is reporting Yahoo is being sued by its users because its ad platform sucks. As Mike writes out:

Who knew that it was against securities law to make a product that didn’t live up to expectations?

He then (rightly) points out that most class-action lawsuits are really not about helping the ‘class’ represented but more about the lawyers involved. Still, how discouraging must it be to hype up the advertising system as being the Yahoo savior and then have it be sued by its very users?

With everything that’s going on today - terrorism, the rising cost of energy, and inter-office political scandal, you would think that Alberto Gonzales would have little time for anything else. Sadly, that’s not true. The highest lawyer in the land has identified, what he feels, is the largest threat facing this nation: attempted copyright infringement. As the Epicenter blog states:

Essentially, the bill would turn copyright law into something more akin to drug law: The government could seize personal property, wiretaps become legit for the first time, violators could face lifetime prison sentences, and, in an ambiguous and far-reaching provision, the mere attempt to violate a copyright would become a crime.
…
Thanks to a new “attempt” provision that wouldn’t require the actual commission of a violation, the bill could conceivably be expanded, in an extreme case, to interpret a computer full of music next to a spindle of blank CDs as an act of piracy.

The proposed law has yet to find a politico to Sherpa it through Congress. I can’t imagine why. The U.S. political system has passed a lot of disappointing technology legislation over the years. But apparently they have enough sense to know that making thought crime punishable is not good job security.

Yes, that’s right: May 14th is the deadline for broadband Internet providers to finish backdoors. These portals are meant to allow the FBI to more easily monitor network traffic. It’s all thanks to a reinterpretation of the CALEA act, originally meant to facilitate traditional phone taps. As the Wired Blog post by Kevin Poulsen says:

While CALEA is all about phones, the Justice Department began lobbying the FCC in 2002 to reinterpret the law as applying to the internet as well. The commission obliged, and last June a divided federal appeals court upheld the expansion 2-1. (The dissenting judge called the FCC’s position “gobbledygook.” But he was outnumbered.)
…
Making surveillance easier and faster gives law enforcement agencies of all stripes more reason to eschew old-fashioned police work in favor of spying. The telephone CALEA compliance deadline was in 2002, and since then the amount of court-ordered surveillance has nearly doubled from 2,586 applications granted that year, to 4,015 orders in 2006.

Sure, privacy on the net is about as realistic as watchable Uwe Boll movie. Still, living in blissful ignorance is so much easier when the government isn’t involved.

Buy the Militant Geek Circumvent DRM Shirt starting at $19.99

Media Rights Technology, or MRT - a DRM vendor, has one of the most unique sales strategies we’ve seen. They are threatening Adobe and Real with lawsuits for failing to buy their ‘technology’. The original Forbes article describes that the rationale is a bit wonky (surprise, surprise):

MRT and Bluebeat said the failure to use an available copyright protection solution contravenes the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which prohibits the manufacture of any product or technology designed to circumvent a technological measure that effectively controls access to a copyrighted work or protects the rights of copyright owners.

Or, as Cory Doctorow says over on Boing Boing:

since the DMCA makes it illegal to break DRM, companies with broken DRM have to buy someone else’s DRM.

If those companies fail to comply MRT is seeking between $200-$2500 for each product distributed and/or sold. The strategy doesn’t make much sense to me. Of course, if a company is slimy enough to engage in DRM this probably a perfectly ‘rational’ approach to sales.

In other news HBO has decided that the problems with DRM aren’t its ‘presumed guilty before proven innocent’ approach or consumer rights crippling features. Instead, HBO surmises that everything would be ok with a name change. Apparently ‘rights-mangement’ has come to have negative associations in customer’s minds (wonder why) and so its time for a bit of marketing. The new warm and fuzzy name: Digital Consumer Enablement, or DCE.

HBO would also like to remind consumers that War is Peace, Freedom is Strength, and Ignorance is Strength.

Paris Hilton isn’t normally the stuff of Geek discussion. Her pending jailtime for violating probation (TWICE!) after driving under the influence is gratifying, but not tech. But when the vapid waif uses her MySpace.com page to start a viral petition THEN we take notice. (Of course, there’s more than just one. For more check out Defamer’s roundup of confused digital outpouring for the admitted drunk-driver.)

The screed on iPetitions.com begins:

To:
The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic “House of Wax”. In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.

As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either.

Isn’t technology wonderful? Instead of solving the world’s problems or creating communities for change the youth are banding together to save a pampered talentless ’starlet’. Disgusted yet? Well, another little feature of the modern technology is the ability to disseminate information quickly - LIKE THIS PICTURE OF PARIS HILTON DRIVING HER $200K BENTLEY YESTERDAY DESPITE STILL HAVING A SUSPENDED LICENSE. The photo should do wonders for her appeal.

Photo first found via FadedYouth and the travails behind it detailed on Metro.co.uk. I think I just had a -2 roll to ‘faith in humanity’ check.

Early last week on our sister site mutednoise I bantered about how Digg’s user base rising up in revolt represented the hereto unmentioned side of social networks; that is, the crowd will bite the hand that feeds it if they think the hand is red. In the comments I mentioned that playing hardball with the entire Internet was absolutely the worst possible strategy. That action took a so-so bit of geek errata and firmly planted it in popular culture. Case in point is this most recent episode of Galacticast (it does get a bit slow in the middle and if you’re not familiar with the television program Lost some jokes might not make sense - but the end gag is killer):

Pick your metaphor: the cat is out of the bag, geni out of the bottle, the milk has been spilled and no amount of crying is going to put it back. Digg has since stopped censoring its users and has made the statement that it will ‘go down fighting’. The outcome of which, according to certain legal circles, doesn’t look good.

But, while your waiting for Diggnation to die a slow death, how about claiming your own sequence of digits as your god-given intellectual property? Ed Felten tells us how:

First, we generate a fresh pseudorandom integer, just for you. Then we use your integer to encrypt a copyrighted haiku, thereby transforming your integer into a circumvention device capable of decrypting the haiku without your permission. We then give you all of our rights to decrypt the haiku using your integer. The DMCA does the rest.

Then, when you need a quick bit of cash to help Paris out of a jam anonymously post your secret number to your social network of choice. Make sure to act shocked and outraged as you sue them for every venture capital dollar they have.

Remember kids: knowing is half the battle.

Sure, last week’s news of 1000 heads-a-rolling wasn’t as fearsome as last year’s 10,000-strong pink slip parade. Even so, we’re a little surprised to see that there isn’t much outcry over fellow geeks on the chopping block.

As Conan O’Brian points out during a recent trip to an Intel plant it might have something to do with the drab work conditions. His visit to the gray-on-gray cubical madness of Intel is in sharp contrast to the creative wet dream inducer of Industrial Light and Magic. After seeing the two videos side by side it may very well be the geeks are just looking for convenient ways out. (Quick, watch the video before NBC also decides to sue YouTube for helping build and spread its media brands.)

Recently, members for the technology press core were asked, by IBM, to attended a ‘virtual gathering’ in Second life. Second Life, as you may remember, is home to some of our favorite strip tease parlors and teledildonics experts - something that makes invitations to attend press conferences there all that much more strange.

Those fine folks at The Register thought it was a bit odd too. They sent back a retort of the finest regard - and posted it all for the world to see:

Fantasy and reality don’t actually combine well. Haven’t you noticed? Maybe that’s why marketing folk are so enthused about Second Life.
…
So what do I think of being briefed about your storage products in Second Life? Sure I’d like it, as long as the briefing takes place in this topless bar I’ve discovered in Second Life, where some of the avatars brief each other in outrageous virtual ways.

I love how this is IBM’s attempt at being ‘hip’ to the tech crowd. What’s next? The using the Web .0 Bullshitr for product pitches? If so, I personally can’t wait for my IBM shared peer-to-peer blogospheres.

Finally! Somebody breaks down the copyright morass into simple, understandable language that the rest of us can understand [no blaring at work, btw - two usages of the s-word lie within]:

Or, as Jack Black likes to remind his fans: “Don’t be a Douche”.